Ten Untweets, Because Elon
- Overheard while looking at dogs in the adoption van in Union Square: “If there’s one thing I excel at, it’s embellishment. I can do that shit all day long.”
- I don’t know what to tell myself about people who drape themselves over the handle of their shopping carts as they trudge the supermarket aisles. But I notice them. And then I feel the poke of my mom’s elegant index finger in the small of my back — a whisper across the veil to stand up straight for god’s sake.
3. Oh Hey
Dip my wing
Flash my brights
Tilt my head
Pop my chin
Pop my thumb
Touch my bill
Wave my hat
Blow my whistle
Tap my horn
Rev my engine.
4. I miss watching people rock out at the red light. The steering wheel is a snare, the dashboard half crash cymbal, half tom-tom, the sideview mirror a high-hat. Joy. Now my red-light neighbor stares into a tiny plastic rectangle — a monolith. An abyss.
5. Fuck off, iCloud.
6. Old black & white movie: man enters diner and orders coffee and a sandwich. And in an offhanded, distracted way — yeah, yeah, gimmie coffee and a sandwich. When I was a kid, I believed this was the penultimate meal of all grown-ups — with a cigarette chaser. It signaled maturity. I’m old now, but I’ve yet to order coffee and a sandwich.
7. Do yourself a solid: listen to the recordings of Koko Taylor. Then throw a banger and forever after refer to it as a wang dang doodle.
8. If you don’t think generative AI bros are perpetuating gender bias by creating virtual girlfriends who respond 24–7 to every command, why do so many large learning models and voice assistants have traditionally female names? Amy. Lucy. Monica. Siri. Alexa. Naomi. Caryn. Gross.
9. “He will never emotionally fulfill you, ever. Know that.” = canon.
10. A month ago I didn't know the difference between a submarine and a submersible. Now I could do a TedTalk on it.
